I'm being politically persecuted for raping that woman I never met. My wife, Marla. Also for sleeping with that horseface porn star -- then hiding hush money payments to her so the voters wouldn't find out. Because I was already in bigly trouble for telling Billy Bush I can grab women by their privates because "they let you do it".
Did you know that, during America's Civil War, our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do, and at Fort McHenry, under the rockets' red glare, it had nothing but victory.
When I was president I launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq, and I want you to know this. I was sitting at the table at Mar-A-Lago, we had finished dinner. Xi and I had dessert -- and we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake you've ever seen. I had two scoops of ice cream but only let Xi have one. He said "you mean Syria -- you launched missiles at Syria". And I said "Yes, Syria". Did you know the missiles are unmanned? That's brilliant. Xi and I, we love each other.
It must be because of M.I.T., my relationship with M.I.T., very smart. I say, what would happen if the boat sank from its weight and you're in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater, and there's a shark that's approximately 10 yards over there? I'll take electrocution every single time. I'm not getting near the shark.
Do you ever go into a new home where you have a shower? Where the water doesn't come out of the shower head? I've had the experience. I take a shower, I want that beautiful head of hair to be nice and wet. Lather, I want it to be lathered beautifully and I get the best stuff you can buy. And I dump it all over and then I turn on the water and the water drips out.
Blacks like me because I have a rap sheet like they do. I sold gold sneakers. Black people like sneakers. I have a lot in common with the Blacks, why their support for me is surging.
I took a cognitive test, and I aced it. Doc Ronny -- Doc Ronny Johnson. Does everyone know Ronny Johnson, congressman from Texas? He was the White House doctor.
I know words. I have the best words. Person, woman, man, camera, TV!
When I am predisent again I will put Crooked Joe Biden and his group of thugs on trial. Also Alvin Bragg and Fani Willis. All my enemies will find the tables turned on them. I have the wounds all over my body. If I took this shirt off, you'd see a beautiful, beautiful person. But you'd see wounds all over, all over me. I have taken a lot of wounds, I can tell you. More than I suspect any president ever.
You know, in history, they say Andrew Jackson was treated the worst. President Andrew, he was a great general and a very good president. And Abraham Lincoln was second worst. Now he had a civil war. So, you know, you sort of think that was understood. And now they're rewriting the books. Trump was treated the worst, Andrew Jackson second and Abraham Lincoln third. But I definitely took top spot :P
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